I realize that question may
sound a bit harsh but hear me out. Every once in a while (say once every year
or two) you need to take a hard look at who you are spending the most time with
and ask what impact they are having on your life. It is likely they are impacting you more more than you
realize and you need to understand whether or not they are a positive or
negative influence on you.
Did you know that your overall
happiness is roughly the average of the happiness of the 5 people you spend the
most time with? Your attitude about life is greatly influenced by the 5 people
you spend the most time with. Your trajectory (personally and professionally)
is, you guessed it, again influenced primarily by the 5 people you spend the
most time with.
Get it yet? The 5 people you spend
the most time with greatly determine who you are, how you interact with the
world, and where you are heading. You have to ask yourself the following
question about each and every one of your top friends: Are they helping to lift
me up, are the supporting and encouraging my dreams or are they holding me
back?
Your friends do not have nefarious
intentions. But very often people subconsciously resist change, and your growth
and success is a change they just not might be comfortable with. Again, this is
not intentional and more of a subconscious act. They may not encourage you or
push you to grow as much as they could simply because it may change the dynamic
of your relationship. Remember, it's not intentional but change makes many people
uncomfortable.
If you are serious about becoming the
best version of yourself and about achieving success in all 5 areas (Head, Heart,
Health, Wealth, and World) then you seriously need to take a strong and
unbiased look at your friends. You need to determine who is a plus in your life
(encouraging you, pushing you, exposing you to new ideas, etc.) and who is a
minus in your life (not pushing you to grow, not bringing new ideas to your
attention, not encouraging your dreams, keeping you in the same routine, etc.).
Spend as much time as you can with the plus people in your life and reduce the
time with the minus people in your life.
Again, I know this sounds a bit harsh
or uncaring but really it’s not. Life is short and you cannot get time back. We
all have 24 hours each day- no one gets more. Choose to use your waking hours
to expand your horizons, challenge yourself to grow and become the best you
that you can be (and trust me – you can do and achieve a lot more than you give
yourself credit for today). Surround yourself as much as possible with people
who truly want you to flourish. The people who are a plus will help you on the
next leg of your journey.
None of this makes your current
friends bad people. It’s just that you need to understand who is truly helping you
move develop to your full potential and who is not. The reality is that we
change over time. Our wants, needs, hopes, dreams all change. Doesn’t it make
sense that our friends wants, needs, hopes and dreams are changing as well and the fact that you have known
someone for a period of time should not be the only determining factor whether or
not they should continue to have influence over you? I am not at all saying to
cut old friends out of your life, I am just asking you to take some time and
think about who is helping you grow and who is really not, both in actions and
words.
You and only you are responsible for
your achieving your definition of success. Make sure you have the best support
team you can in order to give yourself the best chance at making that happen.